Blocked Vision

     Every morning I leave my house early. My faithful walking partner meets me at the edge of my driveway and the words are usually few for the first moments until we both wake up. During our 45 minute walk, we go up and down hills. The talk is always sparse on the way up a hill, as the need for oxygen prevails, and plentiful on the way down. We sweat together, laugh together, persevere together. I am so very thankful for her. I'm amazed at how God knew what I needed in an exercise partner 

(and great friend!) and placed her in my very own neighborhood. 

    At the end of our walk, we pause at the top of a hill (near where she lives) and say goodbye. Then I go on the last 10-15 minutes on my own. I come down the hill and walk home. As I walk toward my responsibilities, my family, toward my day-- I have a few minutes of quiet. A few minutes of peace in which I try to commit the day to the One who made it. 

    Nearly every morning, the sun is just rising. But because I'm going down hill and the neighborhood is wooded, I can never see the sun. I see the effects of the sunrise. I see the light filling the clouds, barely filtering through the trees, turning the sky from a beautiful Navy blue into pink, purple and periwinkle. It's beautiful. But every morning I look hard to try to see more. I wish I were a little bit higher up, or that those particular trees were a bit lower, but I can never see it all. 

Only a glimpse of the beautiful light which will fill our day. 

    Today it struck me. I struggle so much with limited vision. There are a lot of questions in our current state of life. Most of them will have answers.  But, answers that are for God alone to know at this point. It's hard to be "in the dark" about life decisions. Often we feel that we pray and pray and He is silent. We know He hears. We know He is acting on our behalf and for His glory. We know that when the time is right (His time. Not mine.) He will act. The waiting can be so hard when we just want to *see* that "it" will happen or when or how. But, my friends? That is not trust. That is not faith. That is wanting to peel back the corner of the painting before the artist is finished. 

    I have always loved the illustration that our lives (and our circumstances) appear to be the wrong side of a tapestry. A jumbled mess of strings that seem to be senseless and ugly. But if we could see what God sees, we would be amazed. If we could put into practice in our hearts what we say we believe to be true, we would know that the "Other Side" of what we do not see is far more beautiful than we could imagine. Not to mention, far more capable of bringing glory to God than the plans we have for ourselves. 

   When we allow ourselves to be honest, we may realize that we are so small. We are exceedingly small in our understanding and that our frustration over the waiting is basically whining. When we complain we say two things, 1. We do not trust Him. 2. He doesn't deserve the care of the large and small details of our lives.  Yikes. What ungratefulness we are capable of. 

When God asked Job, "Will the faultfinder contend with the Almighty? Let him who reproves God answer it." (Job 40:2) 

In other words, Who are you who questions what God does?

Perhaps Job said it best, 

"Behold, I am insignificant; what can I reply to Thee?

 I lay my hand on my mouth." (Job 40:4)

In other words, 

"Um, I'll be quiet now."

As we go through moments, days and years of questions we cannot answer,

 heartaches we cannot explain, 

tunnels with no foreseeable light at the end, 

and Light eclipsed and covered by obstacles, 

let us remember--

that even a little bit of light is a blessing and...

He does ALL THINGS well. 

When God is dealing with me on something, it always comes in various ways-- this is one that hit me right between the eyes:

When Your Spirit Hungers: How to be Done with Worry

Simply Beautiful! He is a Master Painter, is He not??

Four Things I Think You Should Know on a Wednesday

    1. Lance's dear sweet (Paternal) Grandmother went to be with Jesus today. Her name is Mary. She has been fighting the uphill battle of Alzheimer's for 16 years. A year after her husband (whom I never had the pleasure of meeting) passed away she started showing signs of the disease. She has suffered long. She has been tirelessly cared for by her daughter and son-in-law for many years. She and Mr. Stuckey raised 7 children (one of them being my Father in Law) and she was a star basketball player! There will be a keen loss felt over the next few days as we prepare to celebrate her life, but I am rejoicing today. Literally, my heart has felt such peace and excitement to know that she forever stepped away from a life of pain and confusion into the arms of her Saviour TODAY! What a wonderful Wednesday it must be for her.
And I cannot help but hope that she has met her little great-grandchild. This month our sweet 2nd Stuckey Baby would be two years old. We have blessing upon blessing. Far more than we have heartache. Still a mother does not forget. What an amazing life our God has given us that we live always with the HOPE of Heaven. The blessings and graces are far more than we can count. But I think we should try to count them anyway. 

A sweet moment from our Wedding in 2007

2. Friend, can I ask you something? Are you hurting today? Has someone hurt you? Are the actions (or non-actions) of someone you love weighing your heart like a thousand pounds? Maybe you're reeling at the sin of another that though it has nothing to do with you personally, the news of it shook to you the core.

 Maybe you are trying hard to lean on the chest of the One who made you but you keep looking up, asking, "WHY?!" 

Maybe you're really struggling with the load He has asked you to carry. A sick child. A difficult spouse. A financially tight life with no foreseeable change. Cancer. Miscarriage. Rejection. Perhaps you are carrying far more burdens than one person should be expected to carry. Maybe you're the one everyone counts on and you feel you just *might* buckle from the pressure of it all. Are you hurting or struggling today?  You can tell me. I promise I won't tell a soul. Pinky Promise. But I will point you in this direction. Someone dear shared it with me and I simply must share it with you. 

3. And if you'll forgive me for the complete pendulum swing, are you going to dotMOM??!!!

This year is my very first opportunity to attend and I am so excited. The fall conference will be held in Chattanooga, TN this year and I can hardly wait. I would LOVE to see you there! Some of the amazing speakers include, Vicki Courtney, Jen Hatmaker (YAY!) and Angela Thomas. All of which I've not yet had the privilege of hearing. This is me, EXCITED.



4. One of my very favorite companies, English Tea Paperie has decided to start offering PERMANENT FREE SHIPPING!!!

ETP is an amazing source for personal stationery & gifts! Chloe hand designs or draws each and every design on the site, making them 100% unique and so special.  She is amazingly talented and a joy to work with. English Tea Paperie has a beautiful selection of Monogram Notes, Social & Scripture Notes or even custom design services-- so if you have not already, check them out!

Don't Rush Me

I'd been making a conscious effort to slow down and not act as though we were always in a hurry every time we went anywhere or did anything.

I read this post back in March, and honestly it's what all started this pondering and self-evaluation.

I really felt like I was doing "better" and this particular day we were getting in the car I hadn't said anything at all about hurrying, etc. But we WERE late and my mind was definitely saying it, and she felt it. 

Kids are incredibly intuitive that way.

As I buckled her in, she said "Mommy, don't RUSH me!"  I stifled a laugh at how old she sounded and then thought, "where on earth did she hear that??!" (I've two guesses and they are both me. )

Whether or not I was being impatient with her, I felt hurried and it showed and I took a deep breath, apologized and made an attempt to RELAX. It was only a playdate after all, and as it was not a playdate where a child was choking and I was the only one who knew how to administer the Heimlech Maneuver, it's safe to say it didn't really matter if we were a few minutes late.

Why does it matter? Aren't all human beings destined to rush every day for the rest of their lives and that's just how we do things and we might as well all get used to being in a hurry until the day we die? What's the problem?

Because we miss so much when we rush.
We miss the look in their eyes when we're too busy to look into them when they tell us something.
We miss the quiet, peaceful moments (or the loud chaotic beauty!) in the car when we are anxiously watching the clock and wondering if we will make it on time.
We miss the bath tub confessional when we hurriedly baptize them with a swish of soap and water in hopes for a timely bed time. (After all, we are exhausted.)


Ann Voskamp, who said it so well said,
"In our rushing, bulls in china shops, we break our own lives." and then "The hurry makes us hurt." (Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts. Pg 66.)

And that is so true. Just thinking about it, I realize, when I rush for no good reason, I DO hurt others. I hurt myself. I hurt my daughters.  I catch tangles in painful snarls in a too-quickly moving hairbrush. I catch little legs in seatbelts buckled in rapid closing. I slam sweet fingers in doors closed behind my retreating self. Sure, all accidental, but if I would SLOW DOWN it probably wouldn't happen as often.

More importantly, when I rush and run and hurry and multi-task way too many tasks at once, I haven't the time to look into their eyes when they talk. I don't remember that they ARE my most important task when I'm constantly frustrated by the tasks they interrupt.


Why do we do this? 
Too much on our plate.
Wearing too many hats.
Not enough time.
Too many people counting on us.


But life is NOT an emergency. It's not how much time we have, because we all get the same amount. It's what we choose to do with it. Maybe we don't really need MORE time. Perhaps, we just need to eliminate some things that are eating up all the extra minutes and causing us to always have an attitude of, "AUGH! Kids! get in the CAR NOW!!! My hair's on fire and the only water is in the car!!!!!" Wait, no one else does that? Just me? Oh.

If we treat life as it is an emergency, what message are we sending to our children? What are we saying to them in our constant state of, "Not enough time! Not enough time! Not enough time!"

It's not a message that promotes being thankful in everything. We aren't teaching them the beauty of every day, we are teaching them the lack of time. We are teaching them there is never enough (time, resources, etc.) instead of that Christ is 100% enough for all our needs.


Because friend, it is awfully hard to measure each moment in gratefulness if we are merely trying to get through to the next thing.  Don't miss it.


**From someone who grew up in a family of five with two working parents, I KNOW that sometimes these things are easier said than done, especially for working moms. I'd love to hear your suggestions about how you build your day to avoid the constant rushing.

Flawed Mommy 101

I got in the kitchen early and baked blueberry muffins (one of her favorites) and blended a purple smoothie, put it in her favorite heart cup with a straw. Mentally cheering myself on for the healthiness of the breakfast about to be set before them and myself, I presented her breakfast and waited.

Waited for---
a smile,
a thank you,
an "ooh mommy! These look yummy!"
or even a grunt of appreciation.

Nothing.

Only a "Why'd you give me a GREEN straw?!? PINK is my favorite color."

I calmly walked out of the room in order to avoid losing the chance for a lesson in thankfulness in my own bad attitude which was waiting just below the surface. Then I became grossly aware of my recent penchant for pity parties. Frankly, I've noticed a lot of this lately. So much effort. So much thought and preparation. So very little thanks. So. Much. Work. So little acknowledgement. Even the thanks I do get seems buried in my own unending to-do list of what must be done next.

Now, let's be honest. Motherhood is certainly almost always a somewhat thankless job. Especially mothering small children, because they are in the years when they must learn gratefulness. They learn what it looks like, what it sounds like, hopefully what it feels like. But in those days of training, we are the ones who absorb the excess ungratefulness. We take it all with a grain of forgiveness (on our "good" days) and gently teach them how to be thankful. But it IS. SO. HARD. SOMETIMES.

This morning, I was unloading the dishwasher and pondering how frustrating it can often be. How tiring. And often, aren't you just physically worn out? Tangibly tired in well-doing when all your effort goes seemingly unnoticed. It's interested how just a little gratefulness from the ones we serve goes a long, LONG way. For them and for us.

And then it hit me. (or should I say He gently stirred my heart in conviction...)

Are you acting like a 4-year old who doesn't quite grasp the sacrifices I've made for you?

Ouch.

Um. yes. The answer is all too often yes.

I'm like a child, sitting in a room FULL of toys, saying... "What can I play with?"

I'm lavished from every single side with spiritual and physical blessings abundant and all I can do is sigh at the kitchen floor that is dirty. Again. When what I should be doing is overflowing with Praise that my children are healthy enough to make messes. And that we have enough food that it's ok if a few crumbs fall to the floor.

I'm living in abundance with God as our provider and I'm asking, "Why this job!?" and "When a better one?!" or rather, "Why a green straw? Don't you know I PREFER pink?"

How can I possibly teach my little ones gratefulness when all they see is weariness and worry on my face?

More importantly, how can I have any hope for "Rejoicing in the Day that the Lord has made..." when I cannot remember to Praise Him for HIS moment by moment goodness to us.

Meditating on this today:

"Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth.
Serve the Lord with gladness;
Come before Him with joyful singing.
Know that the Lord Himself is God;
It is He who has made us,
and not we ourselves;
We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.
Enter His gates with thanksgiving,
And His courts with praise.
Give Thanks to Him; bless His name.
For the Lord is good; His lovingkindess is everlasting,
And His faithfulness to all generations."

Psalm 100

A Gift

           In the (nearly) four years and 9 months that I have been a mother, I've been given many "Mother's" gifts. Every year, at this time, my thoughtful husband has sought out some sweet card, cooked some delicious meal or made brunch or dinner plans, and given me some generous and often sacrificial gift.

He's a real keeper, that man of mine.

He's the kind of husband that makes being a mother to small children so much more... doable. He is kind. He helps. He anticipates the need for an occasional pizza night based on the days' events. He sacrifices his own comfort on a regular basis to allow me bits of quiet time by myself. He knows how much this energizes me. He knows that just a bit of time to be alone and think.. or read... or write or browse Target with an Iced Coffee in hand literally helps me be a better mother. He doesn't expect or desire that I "do it all" all the time. He is my best friend and my teammate at this parenting thing. Being a mother next to a father like him, it's the kind of gift I would wish for every mom.

I remember the night I became a mother (well, the night she was born... technically I became a mother about 9 months before that.) It was 9:19PM when I saw and heard this little bundle of pink burst into this world with a very sweet and disgruntled cry. The Dr. (whom I'll always believe saved both our lives) lifted her up and I saw her tiny mouth drawn up in displeasure at being pulled from her nice warm spot.

She turns four in two weeks. FOUR. (This mama is in denial like you wouldn't believe.)

Three years later she was joined by another little pink one, also displeased at being evicted from her cozy spot. Except this time, there was no polite cry. She screamed her blessed head off. So much so that I distinctly remember hearing the nurse and the anesthesiologist say, "Whoa. She is MAD."

She turned 15 months old this week and she has a zest for life and everything in it like I never imagined.

They are growing so much faster than I would choose. But isn't that one of the greatest gifts of all? Being able to witness them growing? Sometimes at night, I peek in on them. Watch them sleeping. Pull up the covers under their little chins and whisper things I want them to know. Those moments usually catch in my throat and I leave their room quietly, soberly thanking God for entrusting them to us.

I think one of the basic common lamentations of all mothers of small children is how fast they grow. Everyone always told me (and still tells me!)

"Hold on to every precious moment."
"They'll be in college before you know it." 
"Enjoy these days. They won't always be so small."


I've tried to heed their advice. Really, I have. I try to take the pictures. Write the blog posts. Write the funny things they say in my little book of quotes. Play "Go Fish" and leave the laundry a bit longer.

But what no one ever prepared me for was the heart-wrenching beauty and wonder of actually witnessing them grow. As in, grow before my very eyes. Like watching a flower bloom in elevated speed. 

That's enough to make you feel like your heart's going to burst wide open with joy, pride and pain all at the same time.

It's obvious when I look at pictures of a few years or even months ago. It's clear when I fold up last season's clothes that were practically hanging off them at the beginning of the quarter. It's ever so evident when I notice them doing or saying something new.

But it is so very startling when I see traces of my babies still in these faces that are changing every day. As Lucy's face becomes more and more that of a little girl (mere months from going to school!) and less of a sweet, round baby-faced toddler-- I want to stop time right in its tracks. Lately I have noticed it more when she laughs or cries. Funny, how those two emotions, so different from one another, but they both have been seen on her face since she was a wee baby. I hope she keeps those traits all her life. I hope she keeps a bit of innocence and delight for the rest of her days.

Sometimes I instigate tickle fights just to see her face light up with the hilarious laughter that reminds me of my little cherub faced itty bitty thing.

And I know that she will just continue to grow and change and grow and change. As will her sister.

I know I am powerless to keep them small. I would never want to. (Well, okay sometimes I do.) But I never want to clutch my fingers around their "baby-ness" in mock ownership of two little people who belong to HIM and have merely been entrusted to us for a season. I never, ever want to stand in the way of His teaching and growing and drawing them to Himself. 

I only hope to be WORTHY and FAITHFUL and point them to God one day at a time. 

So for all the Mother's Day gifts I've been given. All the times I've been praised or encouraged or blessed for being a mom--

The greatest gift of all,

is simply being used.  The best honor I could ever be given is this role.

This seemingly (to some) insignificant task of leading little ones.

This front row seat of watching these little souls grow (every day) to know a little bit more of who they are, and why they are here.

Let us all love them LAVISHLY and be humbled at the GIFT of raising them up.

Honesty (And a cure for Insomnia)

Lately I've been thinking a lot about Motherhood, Authenticity and Social Media.

We've all had those days where we go about our day, happily resting in what we have, who we are, and where we live etc. That is, until nap time. Somewhere in the midst of our daily moments with the computer, our brief interlude with facebook and pinterest throws us into an internal tailspin of discontent and "comparison-itis."

I really wish I was on vacation this week like that family instead of battling a stomach bug with my kids. Sure would be nice to be at Cinderella's castle instead of holding a vomit bucket for my 5 yr. old... 

If only I could lose my last bit of baby weight, all those style tips would look cute on me too. I will never look that cute in shorts...

Look at her, painting her living room while her kids are napping AND cooking a gourmet meal. My spaghetti doesn't sound so exciting anymore. 

WOW! She did all that for her kid's birthday party??!!!??? I thought all I had planned for this weekend was enough. But maybe I could fit in one more trip to the store....

They just bought another new______?!?!?! I wish we could afford a date night every now and then. 

And so begins the malestrom of unhappiness brought on by others' apparent good fortune.

Why do we do that to ourselves??? 
More importantly, why do we allow ourselves the sin of ungratefulness in the midst of so many blessings? 

I have read ALOT of helpful (in the stick their finger in your eye way) articles and posts lately about the dangers of social media as it can cause us to be fake, discontent and constantly "performing." This is something I've been thinking about a lot because I do love to cook. I do love to be crafty. I do love to do projects with the kids and get them dressed up for playdates. And let's be honest. I'm far more likely to post pictures of that then the pile of dust and cheerios I just swept off my floor. But who am I doing it for, really? It's a daily struggle for sure.

However, I am making a REAL, CONCERTED EFFORT to do the following-- Won't you join me?

 1. to not "apply a filter" to every detail of my life. I.E. pick the BEST parts of my day to share, document, etc. and leave out anything that anyone might critique. For example, the other day I posted a few pictures from Lucy's ballet performance. Here's one I didn't post that I wanted to.

I love this picture... I think it's such a cute "glimpse" into what it is like to be her mommy. But look behind me. (GASP!!!!!) I know. The filth that is my closet. I could tell you that Lu likes to play with my shoes and they all end up in a pile. I could tell you I'm in the process of taking out winter things. All of which are true. But what's MOST accurate is that my closet is just. a. mess. And yes, I'm embarrassed. And yes, after posting this, I'm going to go clean it up. But, hey. Keeping it Real.

 2. And to PUT DOWN THE CAMERA. I know, we all want to document every little detail. And we should. But, I'm really serious about being able to see my memories while they are happening...with BOTH of my eyes. In Lucy's performance the other night, cameras were forbidden. And I enjoyed so much just drinking in the moment and taking a mental image. Because no photo, ever will compare of the feeling of watching her dance in front of all those people. No photo would express the way my breath caught in my throat when she came out; or the way Lance and I were holding hands so tightly, blood flow was becoming an issue. I will never forget that.

Earlier this year we went to Disney World for one day. It was Abby's first visit and 12 minutes after arriving, my camera just quit working. I could have cried. (Literally.) I could have bought one at the gift shop. Instead, I stuck it in the bottom of our bag and saw the entire day with both my hands (and eyes) free. It was so liberating. (To be fair, we did purchase a few Disney Pass photos, but only 4 and they were enough.) It was money well spent to be able to forget about being the designated photo taker for the day.

All that to say, I'm guilty of doing too much documenting and not enough living. That has to stop.

And finally, 3. Am I self-promoting in the way I'm sharing "our life?" I have an acquaintance on FB. She is a very sweet girl, but she often posts pictures of food, whether it's her breakfast, her child's lunch, whatever. In every single description, it's as though she tries to fit the word "Organic" in as many times as possible. Literally labeling every already healthy food as "Organic" even if it means saying "Organic" 12 times on one photo. Now, she probably has no clue how it comes across. Of course at first I thought, "Wow. That's kind of annoying. We get it, you only buy organic for your family and the conventional strawberries I bought this morning aren't healthy at all but should be fed to the dog...." But then I thought (with a sinking feeling) "Have I done that?!?!" Because I am one of those people that loves food photography. I don't post pictures so you just covet my iced coffee, but I do love to "share" those kinds of things. All in all, I've been re-considering my sharing. If I want to cook a yummy meal and share a photo, fine. But if I need for everyone to know that we are eating Grain-Fed Bison on a homemade Bun with a side of vegetables which we grew in our own dirt and I purposely don't include the pile of Cheez-Its just because some might not think it's "chic" then I have a problem that is way bigger than snack foods. I feel that it is my DUTY to care for my family's physical and nutritional needs. But since the Lord sees my heart, I better make SURE I'm doing it for them and unto HIM instead of trying to impress people by my ultra Proverbs31-ness.


Let's take care of our families for the Glory of Christ and not for our Instagram followers.

Oh, if you were hoping for the cure for Insomnia.... Read this ridiculously long post a few more times and be sleeping in no time.

Because I cannot have coffee with each one of you...

Grab a cup, (or one of those 8-10 glasses of water we're supposed to be drinking!) and know this is what I would say to you if we could hang out today. 

For the Mommies:

Today is Wednesday, the mid point in the week-- because by now, most of us have forgotten... You are so very valuable to your little children. Do you know what a difference for Christ you are making in these little ones? You're not just a band-aid applier and PB&J fixer, you are the one who gets to help them see JESUS on a daily basis!

Some of you got up and put on yoga pants as you prepared for another day of wiping runny noses and navigating a minefield of Cheerios. While others' mornings consisted of slamming coffee, getting the whole family dressed at break-neck speed and seeing to everyone else's needs while you somehow squeezed in a few minutes to get yourself ready for work. (Bonus points if you had time to accessorize.)

We will all spend the day tackling a to-do list. Whether from your kitchen counter or a desk in an office, remember that what you are doing matters. God has given it to you to do, no matter how insignificant the task seems. You will either spend the day looking into little faces while you work or breathing silent prayers that God watch over them and keep them safe and healthy until you see them at the end of the day. 

Whether you will spend the day distributing multiple Sippy cups or sending countless emails, use your tasks as a way to Worship the One who gave you them to do.  Worship Him with your attitude when something unreasonable is asked of you. Worship Him with your mind when explaining how something works to your preschooler. Worship Him with your emotions when your silence is interrupted by children who cat-nap and wake up cranky. Worship Him by being a witness to those you work alongside when they are catty and difficult to deal with.

Don't try to be perfect. Just be a Mommy who loves Jesus. Trust in His Grace every hour, every moment. 

Do it all, (both scrubbing toilets and navigating corporate politics) to the glory of God. 

A Lesson in Laundry

This week I learned something whilst doing laundry. ( I also learned I would like to use the word, "whilst" more often. It feels so much more Jane Austen than just your everyday "while")

Upon doing the first in what will be many, many loads of little girl laundry in which the clothes belong to TWO little girls instead of just one, I was struck with several realizations. First, time really does fly. So fast I can hardly fathom where the last 2.5 years have gone since I was folding, preparing, re-folding these tiny newborn sleepers for Lucy before her arrival. Second, the sizes are so much more obviously different when they are side by side! My skinny minnie's clothes look HUGE next to her baby sister's! Not to mention for her I'm folding pajamas, play clothes, socks and underwear-- no more diapers for her! She has gotten to be such a big girl overnight!

The difference is what concerns me most. I think it's easy when you have only one child of one gender and then you know you are having another of the same, to fall into this auto-pilot mode of expecting everything to be just as it was before, just a repeat. This is something I've noticed about my own heart and mind lately that I am having to condition myself to having TWO completely different little girls, with TWO completely different sets of needs.

Though Lucy has been fairly calm and such an "easy" child with all major milestones, I know we may get a real firecracker with little Abby. If her movement in-utero is any indication, that is exactly what is in store for us.

So back to the laundry, I realized how great an opportunity folding the clothes of these little dear hearts is to pray for them and their specific needs. I pray that God gives us what we need to parent two different, though possibly similar, children and that we do it with His grace, patience and love. I also pray He reminds me of these little lessons and opportunities in a few days when I'm buried beneath a sea of onesies and pajamas-- must remember the fact that babies go through multiple changes of clothing as opposed to my, "Mommy, I need a napkin, I have a crumb on my hand" daughter.

Here's to seasons of change!!!

A reflection on a Thursday

"Can a woman forget her nursing child, 

And have no compassion on the son of her womb?

Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. 

Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands; 

Your walls are continually before me." --Isaiah 49:15-16

These verses are a great comfort to us all as we rest in the peace that comes from knowing our Heavenly Father loves us more closely than even the most dedicated mother could. As a mother who loves so fiercely, this rings true with me and brings me to a sober remembrance that He is God and I am not. I cannot help but think of the baby that we would have welcomed into our family this week and find rest that though we never knew the baby's sex or name, God knew from conception. He knew and He loved and He numbered that child's days and was faithful. As much as Lance and I think and hope that we will always remember this little brief life, we KNOW that God will never forget. 

And with so much to be thankful for that God has already given, we look forward to learning to Trust Him more fully with the children He has entrusted to us. I heard a new mom put it this way, "I hope to continue to learn to hold loosely while loving lavishly," as she spoke of her newborn son. So very true. Blessed be the name of the Lord who not only takes away, but also GIVES.

Nine Months.

    It was NINE months ago this week that we packed up this truck and moved to Georgia. It just does not seem like it's been that long until I look at how much Lucy has changed. Lance and I realized we have been here for over 1/3 of Lucy's life. Speaking of Lucy, Lance and I would both agree that of the three of us, she is the only member of our family that has the right perspective. More on that in a moment.

     For all that we went through getting to this stage of moving, getting a job, settling down, I have to be  honest and say that it's been H-A-R-D to adjust. Really. Downright difficult many days. I cringe even as I write this because I know so many of you reading it are the ones who faithfully prayed with us and encouraged us as we waited for God to open a door and move us. And then in His perfect timing He did, and here we are. And we have never doubted that HE moved us and we are in HIS will to be here. But in our own human weakness, we have struggled with making it Home. Sure, we've bought a home and made it our own--and we love it, but if we're being honest,(and apparently I am) it's not easy to settle.

    You know how people always say that the place where you start your life will always hold a "special place" in your heart? Well, for us, that is doubly true. For me Wake Forest was not only the first place I lived outside of my parents roof but also the place I formed many friendships, not to mention the place I became a girlfriend, a fiancee, a best friend, a wife, and a mother once I met Lance. Yes, I guess you could say it has a special place in my heart. Most days, as I try to give this new city my all in energy and heart, that "special place in my heart" becomes a huge lump in my throat. But we're trying. And more importantly, we are TRUSTING. God has blessed us so here and we are helping each other focus on those blessings and the knowledge that He has a plan for us here. And far be it from us to stand in the way.

   Lucy, on the other hand has had it down pat from day one. She never questioned us when we packed up her toys & moved them several states away to a quaint little townhouse in Georgia... and then again four months later when we moved her and all her stuff to a house down the road. And from the day after we moved in, when we pull up in the driveway, she says "HOME!! We're HOME!!!" Then a few months later, when we had the house painted, she began saying "BLUE HOME!! We're HOME!!" Amazing how she accepts everything with the joy and faith of a child and doesn't say, "Umm.. are you SURE we live here now? Mom?? Dad?? Because, this sure doesn't feel familiar."

Huh. My Two year old GETS it. Better than I do.

Oh, that I would trust my Heavenly Father the way she skips happily along, trusting us. Completely secure. Completely at peace. Completely LOVING today. I hope I will be just like her when I grow up.

And now, for those of you who have stuck with me and read this far, a little smile for you, because you've earned it.